The Real Truth
by DizzyDrea
Summary: Callen revisits his past in order to find a way into his future. Pre-Callen/Kensi


Title: The Real Truth  
Author: DizzyDrea  
Summary: Callen revisits his past in order to find a way into his future.  
Rating: K  
Spoilers: Keepin' It Real  
Author's Notes: Callen seemed so adamant that he doesn't date law enforcement officers that I thought there might have to be a good reason. So, here's my take on it.  
Disclaimer: NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles and all its particulars are the property of CBS, Paramount, Donald P. Bellisario, Belisarius Productions, Shane Brennan, Shane Brennan Productions, and a lot of other people who aren't me. I am doing this for fun and for practice. Mostly for fun.

Author's Note 3/25/11: So, obviously this was written right after 'Keepin' It Real' was aired, back in Season 1. As I said above in my original notes, this is my take on why Callen doesn't date LEOs. Since then, 'Standoff' aired in the front half of Season 2, so this is no longer necessarily a viable explanation. Still, I liked it enough to keep it around, and I think it still holds up. And since I can't really add anything to this week's episode, I decided to post this instead.

~&O&~

"So, you gonna tell me?"

G Callen glanced at his partner as he lifted the beer bottle to his lips. The silence stretched on. Sam Hanna had learned pretty early on that getting Callen to talk about something was an iffy proposition at best. Most of the time, he just didn't talk, and when he did, it was about nothing in particular.

Sam had driven them from headquarters to a quiet stretch of beach in Malibu once they'd closed the case. It had been a helluva case, but putting the counterfeiters away had felt good. So, he pulled a six-pack of beer from the trunk and leaned on the back end to watch the sunset and celebrate, and to wait out his partner.

Finally, Callen sighed. "Her name was Sonia. Sonia Velez."

Sam grunted but didn't say anything. If he started talking now, Callen would take that as an invitation to run away from the conversation. No way was he letting that happen.

A few more minutes ticked by before Callen gave up and dove in.

"She was an investigator with the Border Patrol. I was with the DEA, and we were assigned to a task force to take down this big Mexican drug kingpin. Name of Ruben Doroz. We'd been after him for years, but we could never make anything stick because he always kept himself away from the product. Operated like a Mafia boss. Gave cryptic orders. Let his assistants take the risks. Even shot one or two when they failed to live up to his exacting standards, though we could never prove it."

"Sounds like a real piece of work," Sam said, risking a comment to keep the conversation flowing.

He sipped his beer and glanced at Callen, waiting for him to continue.

Callen looked down, then back up at the sunset, lost in the memory of a different time and place.

"She was gorgeous, man, and she knew it," he said, remembering the way the sun glinted off her raven hair. "She was a hell of an investigator. Could follow a trail as cold as ice. She had a real feel for when something wasn't right. She'd never been a field agent, but she was on the task force because she'd delivered the one piece of intelligence we hadn't been able to dig up: Doroz's location."

"See, he never, ever accompanied his shipments. Kept himself out of the business end of the business, if you know what I mean."

When Sam grunted, he went on. "But this time, the shipment was so huge that he couldn't trust any of his men with it. Which meant he'd be in LA. She'd even dug up a location on the warehouse they'd use for the delivery."

Sam gave an appreciative whistle. "Girl is good."

"Yeah," Callen agreed. He paused and took another swig of his beer. "So, we timed the entry to just after the delivery of the product. We'd divided the task force into four entry teams. Sonia was assigned to my team."

Sam shook his head, seeing where this was heading as Callen continued. "She'd lobbied for the right to go with the entry teams, and the task force leader was just enough of a pushover to let her. I put her in the three slot, right behind me so she'd be somewhat protected. I figured if I had to have a rookie on my team, that was the best place for her.

"So, the night before the raid, we all decide to head out and have a beer, blow off some steam. Nobody got drunk, but we did drink enough to take the edge off." Callen paused, and Sam didn't miss the pained look in his eyes. "One thing led to another, and I wound up in her hotel room. When I woke up the next morning, I knew it had been a mistake. She was making plans for a romantic weekend and wondering whether or not she could get a transfer to LA after the task force was disbanded, and it was all I could do to get out of there with my pants on."

Sam wanted to chuckle at the image, but held back. He knew what was coming, and it wasn't anything to laugh about.

"We headed for the staging area, geared up and headed out." Callen paused again, and this time, his expression changed. His faced hardened into a cool mask, and his voice became flat. "As soon as we entered the warehouse, we knew we were screwed. Somehow Doroz had found out and was waiting for us. Sonia saw movement and took off without the rest of the team. I followed, but by the time I got to her, she'd been shot, and Doroz was standing over her with a smug look on his face. I put two into him before he even realized I was there. I called for a medic, but I knew it was too late. She bled out while I waited for them to get there."

Callen finished off the last of his beer and dropped the empty back into the six-pack. He shoved his hands into his pockets and stared out at the ocean as the sun burnished it to a golden orange.

"The thing is," he said after a long pause, "I started to feel guilty for her death. Then I remembered that she'd gone charging off, even after we'd been briefed on what to do and what not to do. That was definitely on the not-to-do list. I couldn't stop her from doing it. And I couldn't save her. I'm not sure why she even did it, except maybe to impress me.

"So, I promised myself I'd never date another law-enforcement officer. I don't need the guilt and I don't need the heartache when it happens to someone I actually care about."

Sam was quiet as he absorbed Callen's story. He finished his beer and dropped it into the six-pack next to his partner's empty bottle. Then, he propped his hands on the trunk and considered what he could say. Callen wouldn't want platitudes or empty words, so he opted for honesty instead.

"Guilt is a funny thing," he said. "I remember this one op, years ago. One of our guys—the rookie—wound up with a hole in his leg big enough to put a fist through. I felt bad about it for weeks, until my CO reminded me of something: everybody had a job to do, the rookie included. Now, if he was where he was supposed to be, and he got shot, then it's nobody's fault. But if he was out of position, then it was his own damn fault. All I can do is my job. Be where I'm supposed to be. And bring our guys home when it all goes south."

Callen nodded. "Good advice." He stayed silent for a moment as he thought that over. "What happened to the guy?"

"He made it back," Sam said. "Got patched up and went out on the next op with the team. Kept his head down. Didn't get out of position. And made it back alive and intact."

"You that rookie?" Callen asked, casting a sly glance at his partner.

Sam smiled and gave a short chuckle. "Yeah."

"Still doesn't change the fact that it hurts like hell to lose a team member."

"No, it doesn't," Sam agreed. He paused, then fished another beer out of the container and handed it to G, grabbing one for himself and taking a long sip. "Now, you take Kensi," he said when he was done. "She could kick your ass and my ass. And I'm not too proud to admit it."

"Yeah," Callen said, chuckling. Then he quirked an eyebrow at Sam. "So?"

"So," Sam said, "all I'm saying is that not all of them are like Sonia. And you already know that. Our girl can take care of herself. That's why you like her."

"I like her?" Callen squeaked. "Who says?"

"Oh, no," Sam said, shaking his head. "We're not playing that game. You like Kensi. You're sweet on her. All I'm saying is that she wouldn't go running off without backup. She's smarter than that. But you're not gonna see that until you offload that big bucket of guilt you're dragging around. And nothing's going to happen with you two until you do."

They fell silent once more.

Finally, Callen sighed. "Kensi was smart even when she was green. But it still hurts, no matter who it is."

"So, you just gonna give up? Doesn't sound much like you," Sam said. "Look, we all matter to each other. But do you really want to pass on what could be the best thing that's ever happened to you based on what might happen? You're not one to live in the past, G. So what is it, really?"

Callen tipped one shoulder in a half-shrug. He tilted his beer bottle up and took a long swallow. Finally, he spoke. "Honestly?" When Sam nodded, he went on. "I do like Kensi. She's different from any other girl—woman—I've ever been with. And maybe that's the problem. With her, I know there's no faking it, no pretending. It'd have to be real, and I'm just not sure I can do it."

"Bull," Sam said. G raised his eyebrow at his friend, inviting him to continue. "I've seen you impersonate drug dealers, gun runners and idiot taxi drivers. You know exactly what it takes to be real, no matter if it's real life or a cover. You just have to want to. You have to want to open yourself up to all the happiness and hurt that goes along with relationships."

Callen pondered those words. He turned to his partner and asked the only question that mattered. "Is it worth it?"

Sam's smile was huge. "Absolutely."

They didn't say anything for long minutes as they watched the sun finally sink below the horizon. Sam finished off his beer and dropped the empty bottle back into the container, Callen following suit. He stowed the remainder of the six-pack in the trunk and got in the car. All the while, Callen had a thoughtful look on his face, as if he were a thousand miles away instead of in Sam's car.

They didn't talk as he drove them back to NCIS headquarters. Sam knew he'd said all he could. The next step would be Callen's, and whether or not he decided that Kensi was worth the risk was a choice only he could make.

They pulled into the parking lot and Callen opened the door, preparing to get out and head off to his own car and the place he'd rented for a few days. Before he did, he extended his hand across the console to shake Sam's.

"Thanks," he said quietly.

Sam nodded. "Anytime, brother," he said.

He watched as his partner moved off and got into his own car, not driving away until Callen was inside with the engine running. Right now, if he were a betting man, he'd put money on Callen asking Kensi out. If he were a betting man.

His smile threatened to split his face as he drove away. Things were about to get interesting at NCIS.

~Finis


End file.
